[untitled] - Greenbeans <gbeans@tyrlen.org>

     Gray, how did we get like this?
     I know how we met, so few distant years ago, but how did we get to the 
point of arguing like this?  When we were younger, though perhaps not innocent, 
we used to spend long hours in the mess speaking in hushed whispers.  I used to 
think that you were intelligent, not some military grunt that used his head for 
bashing his way through obstacles instead of thinking.
     That was before *it* happened.  Before the Phantom particles took up 
residence in my body.
     I don't know if it was the Phantom that turned my heart cold towards you 
or if my feelings simply changed.  I do know from that point on we were no 
longer the same.  I was no longer the woman you loved.  Not when part of me was 
a creature you were trained to kill.
     I threw myself into my work.  Nothing else mattered, especially when it 
was my life that was on the line.  Dr. Sid gave me a second lease on life.  If 
I wanted it to be permanent, I had to help him complete his work.
     That's not to say that I wasn't a willing assistant to begin with.  And 
don't think I've forgotten your teasing at how I followed the "old man" around 
like a pup.  I was an intern, he was my mentor.  I could have easily compared 
you and your CO when you were still a wet behind the ears lieutenant.
     But that's ancient history.
     It's odd... I never fear for my life even though I know that death is only 
a matter of time.  We all die eventually, I just know that my eventually will 
come before yours.  I regret that.  I'm sorry that we won't grow old together.
     That's why I pushed you away, though I'm ashamed to admit it.  For me, it 
was easier to flee than to stand and fight.  I couldn't fight, and I knew that 
it would hurt you to know the truth about me.
     I'm too proud to say I'm sorry.  I'm too scared to tell you the truth of 
how frighten I am.  And yet, when I look your in the eyes, I can almost believe 
that you still love me.
     "Gray?" I glanced away from my work.
     He didn't have to come with me on this gondola, but he did anyway.  He 
didn't have to listen when I told him of the spirits, but with polite interest 
he heard.  Even now I can see the concern in his eyes, the worry for my 
failing health.
     "Yes, Aki?" He asked with unusual softness in his rough voice.
     "Thank you."