Xu was summoned to the Garden's conference room, where Quistis and Cid were already waiting for her. She saluted the Headmaster smartly before relaxing. She pursed his lips together tightly as an uncharacteristic look of annoyance marred his usually relaxed disposition. "You called for me, sir?" "Yes. The Garden was infiltrated by *them* again last night. Will you kindly undertake their interrogation and then get rid of them?" He waved towards one of the adjoining rooms with aggravation. "Take Quistis with you. She should be familiar with these scoundrels." "As you wish." She saluted again. Their files were already pulled out and laying on a table for her. How on earth did they manage to get past the guards *again*? Security at the Garden was a touchy issue as of late considering their numerous invasions. There were three of them, though only one was enough to cause Cid to suffer from a nasty eyebrow twitch. She had no desire to waste her time with them either. Best to get this over with quickly and then dump them into Balamb Bay if she could punt them that far. The door Xu went through lead into a hallway with three adjoining rooms. She paused outside the first door to speak with Quistis. "We'll interrogate their leader first. Keep your guard up. She may seem harmless, but you never can tell with their type." "Who are they?" she asked, curious as to if she should go back and get her weapons before going into the room. "Your greatest enemy." Xu walked through the door with Quistis in tow. "The authors." Sowing the SeeDs: OMAKE THEATRE PRELUDE!!! A woman dressed in khaki colored cargo shorts, hiking boots, and a green tee-shirt that read 'Byte Me =)' sat on a small couch with her hands in her lap. The hair on her head was cut in a short boyish style and was dishwater blonde in color. A pair of wire framed glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. She stood up immediately at seeing Xu and Quistis enter the room. "It's been...what, a week?" Xu didn't waste any time on pleasantries. The woman, who appeared to be in her early twenties, nodded her head meekly, refusing to meet Xu's eyes. Xu flipped open one of the folders in her hand and began reading from it for Quistis' benefit. "Nickname: Greenbeans. Real name: Amanda Anderson." She paused. "I can see why you go by a nickname, you can't get much more generic than your real name." "My entire family is that way," she answered softly. Xu hummed and scribbled down a quick note. "It appears as though we didn't finish filling this out the last time you were here, shall we finish now?" She didn't wait for the woman to answer before moving along. "Favorite video game?" "Final Fantasy VI," was the immediate answer. "VI?" Quistis puzzled over that. "Don't you mean VIII?" Beans shook her head. Xu continued, "Next favorite game?" "Crystalis." Xu pinned her back with an icy look. "A *NES* game rates higher with you than Final Fantasy VIII! Why don't you go torture *their* corner of the fanfic universe and leave ours alone?!" The author shuffled some. "Okay, one last chance. Third favorite game?" "Tetris." Xu instantly froze in mid-scribble, her eyes slowly looking away from the paper and towards Beans. "I should hurt you," she stated. Xu didn't let this revelation get under her skin. She brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear to regain her composure. "Enough of that. Why did you break into the Garden this time?" "Where else would a bean go besides a Garden?" She finally met Xu's eyes with a hopeful look. Quistis noticed that this answer only seemed to aggravate Xu more. Her mentor pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and her forefinger, a sure sign that she was quickly losing her patience. "You see Quistis, she believes that she's a member of the plant kingdom. She's not, of course, but authors tend to be a little off their rocker." "But I am a bean," the author protested quietly, but firmly. "Were you born from a seed?" Xu snapped. "No," she allowed slowly. "But I'd gladly be a SeeD if I could." The childlike, hopeful look lit her eyes again. Xu snapped the folder shut. "You are not from a seed. You will never be a SeeD. Get the hell out of here and never come back!" She pointed towards the door where an escort was waiting to take the author off the ground with a stern reprimand to not return. "Will you be all right?" Quistis asked. That had certainly been a disturbing encounter. Not only to see someone as messed up as the author, but to also watch Xu look her cool like that. "Yes, I'm fine," she took a deep breath. "Beans is the mastermind behind this fic. She's the one who organizes her two co- conspirators and does much of the research. Apparently she's had some measure of success writing Sailor Moon fanfiction and decided to take a vacation in our world. Hopefully she'll become bored soon and go back to tormenting Sailor Moon characters." "I see...." Quistis said sagely. She sort of did. The authors could jump from series to series to create havoc amongst the world, she understood that much. And they had *three* of these demons to deal with. * * * After a few moments of quiet meditation to restore her equilibrium, Xu led them into the next room. Quistis' jaw nearly hit the floor. "I thought you got rid Beans!" she exclaimed, startled at seeing the author they'd just spoken to. "Meet His lordship Chaos, or Chaos for short," Xu gestured at him. He looked exactly like Beans except that he was wearing faded jeans and a white tee-shirt. Oddly enough, his tee-shirt had some kind of strange Anime picture that resembled an SD version of himself getting attacked by a playfully carnivorous lizard. Beneath the picture was a caption that said 'Get Cursed: Otaku no Noroi.' Chaos was amusing himself by kicking around on a swivel chair as fast as he could. Xu abruptly brought him to a halt with a well placed foot. And Chaos painfully discovered the law of inertia as he was unceremoniously flung out of his chair and tumbled to the floor in a heap. But he bounced back into his chair with a suave look as if to imply he'd planned that. "Xu-chan!" he exclaimed happily, opening his arms to hug the SeeD cadet. "How are you doing? Give us a kiss!" With a great deal of visible restraint, Xu only firmly pushed Chaos back into the chair. "Cut the chit chat." His lordship Chaos crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "That's no way to talk to one of your authors." Quistis noted with a degree of concern just how much Xu was clenching the pen in her hand. At this rate, the writing instrument would be crushed into fine powder from Xu's talon-like grip. Xu opened his folder and began reading from it. "Nickname: His lordship Chaos. Real name: ...I can't read it. Did you scribble it on here with crayon?" She pinned him back with a glare. He flashed her a sincere smile. "It was either that or Magic Marker. But because it's you, Xu, I decided on the crayons. Did you want one?" The author raised his two clenched fists, sharpened crayons neatly nestled between each finger like they were shuriken darts. "Freak," Xu said, not even bothering to mutter that under her breath. Quistis fought the urge to step back and hide behind Xu for protection. "Is he insane?" Sadly, Xu shook her head. "Actually, he's a pretty ingenious author...even if no one's been able to figure out the method to his madness." Chaos shrugged. "Damned if I've been able to myself!" Xu rolled her eyes, scanning the files on this author. "Who would have thought you actually had a brain to damage in the first place? Let's see, your file isn't complete either. What's your favorite video game?" "Video game?" He quirked his head sideways, looking up at her from an odd angle in a coy manner. "Yes, video game. What's your favorite one?" She asked with tremendous patience. He laughed and kicked himself around again while answering, "I don't play video games! Unless Pong counts." She stopped his spinning, and leveled a cold hard glare at him. "How can you be co-authoring a fanfic based on a video game and not play them? Have you even played Final Fantasy VIII?" she demanded. "Nope! But I think I've seen my friends play it," the infuriatingly playful grin never left his face. Quistis' jaw hung open as Xu resumed massaging the bridge of her nose. "Let me guess. Beans provides you with all the information you need and you take your cues from her?" Chaos winked at Xu. "Bingo!" he announced gleefully. "That's insane!" Quistis gasped with disbelief. "No," Chaos corrected her. "That's what makes it more fun!" Xu pointed to the door. "Get out." Chaos rolled his eyes as he stood up. "Everyone's a critic," he sighed, sliding his hands into his pockets. He gave Xu a quick peck on the cheek, then patted Quistis on the head. "Look forward to working with you in the future," he called out over his shoulder, waving at them as he headed for the door. "He still looks so much like Beans," Quistis pressed. Chaos abruptly stopped right in the doorway as he heard the prodigy SeeD. "I know, I know; in real life, Beans and I look frighteningly like fraternal twins. But maybe this will help make the distinction!" Suddenly His lordship Chaos was wearing long red dress, a de- thorned rose being held between his teeth. Before Xu could react, Chaos had swept her off her feet, and was leading her in a tango. Chaos: ^-^ "Spin me, Xu!" Xu: o.O "WHAT THE HELL?!" SD Monkees: [singing in the background] "Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer!" "Get your hands off my butt!" Xu bellowed, dropkicking Chaos out of the room. Moments later the half-pint versions of the Monkees (and their instruments) were punted out after him. The door was slammed shut behind them. Quistis couldn't shake the sinking feeling of dread that gnawed at her stomach. Their world was left in the hands of someone like *him*. "Wh-What was Beans thinking in recruiting him?" she asked quietly. "Chaos is another author from the Sailor Moon universe," Xu explained. "He's got a bizarre cult following too--not that I want to know about it. His stories are either as insane as he is, or just plain surreal...." Her voice trailed off ominously. Quistis didn't want to ask. "Doesn't he know the middle ground?" "That's what Beans is for," Xu sighed and shook her head. "One more left. Are you feeling up to it?" "I don't know," Quistis answered hesitantly. What she'd seen so far shook her to the very core. * * * The last room held a man in his mid-twenties with his curly hair pulled back into a pony tail. Upon seeing them he stood away from the wall he was leaning against and bowed politely. "This is Corvus," Xu gestured at the man. He smiled kindly at Quistis before offering his hand to shake. "Real name: unknown. Favorite video game: Gradius?" Xu let out a soft sigh. "How is it that Final Fantasy VIII isn't *any* of you goof-offs' favorite?" "I like Final Fantasy VIII well enough. When Beans invited me to join her on this mission, I couldn't possibly refuse," he responded. To Quistis' inexpert eye, he seemed to be the most sane of the lot. He was well spoken and hadn't made any outrageous statements yet. He started fiddling with something in his pocket, then pulled out a small butter knife. Xu tried to take it from him, but he resisted. "You can't take the knife away from a Tonberry!" he protested. She promptly used her disarming techniques to wrench the knife away from him. "No 'Everyone's Grudge' for you, Mister Tonberry," she sneered. He crossed his arms to pout. "You're no fun." Now Quistis was matching Cid's rhythmic eye twitching. "He thinks he's a Tonberry?" "Only part of the time. He's pretty normal, but then he goes into either Tonberry or Carbuncle mode. Something about girls finding little green creatures to be irresistibly cute." "That's a new one by me...." Some guys would do anything to pick up a girl. Xu opened the door for him. "You know the drill. Out with you. And don't let me catch you around here again!" "Will you go out with me if I come back?" he asked hopefully. "OUT!" She kicked him in the pants on his way out the door. "That certainly was...interesting," Quistis drawled. "You don't know the half of it," Xu agreed. "Corvus is an author who is still making a name for himself on the Sailor Moon scene. He's got a lot of raw talent that's being put to mischievous ends in our world. He's one to watch out for." Xu cast an uneasy glance at the door. "It's always the quieter ones who are the most dangerous." "Will they be back?" Quistis asked in a frightened whisper. "No doubt about it. Be afraid. Be *very* afraid." * * * Seated happily in the Quad and enjoying the sunshine (well, at least one of them was), His lordship Chaos waved over to Corvus. "So, did Xu kick your ass too?" he inquired. Corvus nodded. "Though not as loudly as she did yours, I note." "Well, she had to kick my super-deformed band's asses out of the room too," Chaos sighed, lounging back on the top of one of the picnic table. Actually seated on the bench of the table, Greenbeans frowned at Chaos. "This is all your fault," she stated. Chaos sniffed indignantly. "And just how do you figure that?" "We were doing fine on our nightly Garden excursion when *someone* had to sneak into the Cafeteria and choke on a hot dog!" Corvus retorted darkly, taking a seat next to Beans. "Well, I was curious!" Chaos protested, getting slightly flustered in defending himself. "The game rants and raves about the infamy of said hot dogs, and I wanted to be precise about my part in the fic. I wanted the truth about those hot dogs!" Retorted Corvus, "You can't handle to truth!" "Chaos, you couldn't even handle swallowing properly," Beans added. She sighed, casting a longing glance around Balamb Garden. "I can't believe we're going to get kicked out of this place *again*! And we barely got to interact with the SeeD cadets too." She hung her head, going into a sulking beanie mode. An impish grip appeared on Chaos' face. "Oh, I wouldn't call this a total loss," he countered. Corvus and Beans immediately leaned forward in grave suspicion. "What did you do this time?" Beans asked, her eyes narrowing at her co-conspirator. Feigning angelic innocence, Chaos began to spin a set of keys around his index finger. "Anyone want to take a Galbadian kamikaze motorcycle out for a test drive?" Corvus: ^-^ "Yo!" Beans: [shooting Corvus a dirty look] "......" Corvus: "I'll wear a helmet, I promise." "You know," Beans added, looking around. "I'm probably the last person who would say this, but with all the grief we've given the Garden, why don't we have an armed escort watching us?" "Oh, that?" Chaos remarked, as if it were a mere afterthought to him. Still lying back on the table, he raised a hand and thumbed over to one part of the Quad. "They're busy chasing a friend of mine." [Cue the fanboy Havoc happily bounding through the Garden with armfuls of women's underwear!] Havoc: ^-^ "Panties! Glorious silken treasures!" Female SeeD cadets: [chasing after Havoc] "Give those back, you freak!" His lordship Chaos chuckled as the commotion raced past them, no SeeD or SeeD cadet so much as giving the trio of authors a second glance. "Ah, the fics are alive with the sound of hentai," he sighed wistfully. Corvus and Beans slowly turned to Chaos with wide eyes. "......" was all they could manage to get out for quite some time. "You...brought your uberperv along?" Beans finally stammered. Chaos nodded, sitting up and stretching out his arms. "Yep. I figured we might need a distraction, so I made sure to keep a non- sequitor gag like Havoc close by." He turned to the other two authors, giving them a sincere smile. "They're going to be rather busy with Havoc for quite some time. So who's up for touring the Garden?" to be continued....