Sowing the SeeDs : Part 13

a fanfic by Greenbeans <gbeans@tyrlen.org>
with His lordship Chaos <hislordshipchaos@hotmail.com>
edited by Helen Fong <iriachan@yahoo.com>
based on the world of Final Fantasy 8
created by Square Electronic Arts L.L.C. <www.squaresoft.com>


     At the Headmaster's request, Kei was the one to greet the Dollet party 
when that arrived at Balamb station.  The children recognized her at first 
sight and immediately paid their respects.  For her part, Kei was polite 
(except for rolling her eyes at her cousin while the children were bowed at the 
waist to her).  Eugene and the kids piled into the passenger compartment of the 
transport Kei drove while the cousins took the cab.  It gave them the 
opportunity to speak privately.
     "Be nice, Kei," Xu warned once they were settled and underway.
     Kei arched an eyebrow, "Aren't I always nice?"  She glanced over long 
enough to catch Xu giving her The Look.  Kei scowled and tightened her grip on 
the wheel.  "You want me to humor them, don't you?"
     "I do.  They have exacting expectations of us.  Whether we want to be or 
not, to them we're role models."
     "You don't need to scold me.  I always act professionally as a SeeD," Kei 
replied.  That earned her another look.  Admittedly, her not so long forgotten 
scuffle with Enju came to mind.  But that wasn't to what Xu was referring.  Xu 
expected her to act like an Anshin role model.
     The grimace on Kei's face only deepened.  Instead of answering Xu, she 
guided the conversation elsewhere.  "Living arrangements have been made for the 
children.  They'll be paired up with cadets who are further along in their 
training and have a room to themselves.  Five people have already volunteered 
to act as hosts, including Quistis.  Their partners will escort them and 
provide all the assistance they can.  You might want to give our volunteers an 
additional crash course in Anshin etiquette once we get back.  I covered the 
basics, but you know that manners were never my strong suit."
     The concern that had clouded Xu's face lifted some.  It was obviously a 
subject she'd wanted to discuss, but hadn't breached yet.  "Do you know how 
long we'll be laid over at Balamb before returning them?"
     "A week, possibly more.  A lot's happened in a very short period of time.  
Things need to be sorted out before we start mixing it up again, don't you 
agree?"
     For once, Xu was the one wishing to rush ahead and finish this matter, but 
she could see the prudence behind delaying their return.  There were still 
threads of the investigation that were ongoing.  Dollet may wish to question 
the witnesses further, especially with regards to the criminal prosecution of 
those ring members they had apprehended.
     A row of five uniformed cadets stood at attention with Cid at their head 
to welcome the newcomers.  The Anshin by upbringing appreciated rigidly defined 
structures; a military greeting would make an impression on the children and 
create less stress than the informal affair Cid would have preferred.
     As the children piled out of the transport, Xu quickly appraised their 
hosts.  She noted that Quistis was the youngest of them, but looked to be the 
same age as those she stood with.  Each of them was a good choice for the task 
at hand.  Their Anshin guests gawked at their surroundings.  If the Parking 
Garage impressed them, the rest of the Garden would leave them speechless.
     Their reception went as well as it could have.  The children were 
reluctant to pair off with the cadets.  What made the situation even worse was 
that there were an unmatched number of males to females.  Cid arbitrarily 
decided that the extra Anshin boy would pair up with Quistis.  No one protested 
the pairing, though Kei had half a mind to.  If she didn't know her own clan 
well enough to realize that he wouldn't make a move on Quistis without first 
getting her father's permission, she'd have protested.
     "Eugene and Xu, you're free to get settled.  If you'd join me in my office 
when you're finished, Xu, I would appreciate it.  Eugene, we'll speak in the 
morning.  Kei is going to take our guests on a tour of the Garden," Cid gave 
them all a measured look before heading off.
     "Will you be all right?" Xu asked her cousin once the Headmaster was gone.
     Kei nodded.  "Don't worry, I'll behave," she smirked.
     Quistis and her charge looked each other over.  He was one of the older 
ones if she didn't miss her guess.  Even still, he was shorter than she was.  
His long black hair was pulled back into a loose braid that was kept forward 
over his left shoulder.
     "Kren," he said, patting his chest with his right hand.
     "Quistis," she answered, mimicking his gesture.
     He fumbled trying to repeat her name.  After several attempts that were 
more amusing than insulting Quistis offered Kei's solution.  He grasped to the 
pronunciation and repeated it easily.
     "Kwis okay?"
     "Ah..." she wasn't used to having anyone shorten her name.  Her 
personality was definitely that of a Quistis, not 'Quisty' nor 'Quis'.  But, 
she was willing to make an exception in this case and nodded her approval.
     The tour Kei led them on was thorough if not somewhat exhaustive.  She 
maintained a constant stream of explanation in both standard and Anshin, though 
her comments leaned more towards being in standard.  The group stopped at the 
requisition room during their tour to order some clothes for their guests.  
They would be wearing uniforms like their counterparts since there were plenty 
of those on hand for immediate use.
     Quistis purposefully ignored the looks Kren stole out of the corner of his 
eye.  To someone who had always seen the same type of people, she must be 
utterly fascinating with blonde hair, blue eyes, and extra centimeters.  
Perhaps she looked as exotic to him as he looked to her?  Carefully she hid a 
smile.
     Rooming together should prove to be interesting.

*****

     The meeting with Cid was meant to be an informal one.  Xu's post-mission 
report couldn't possibly be finished yet.  Once they were both seated with a 
cup of hot tea in hand, he begun.  "You've done well, much better than I would 
have expected.  Agent Lockrush has yet to stop singing the praises of you and 
Eugene.  To say that our relations with Dollet have been improved would be an 
understatement."
     "Thank you, sir," she said modestly.  Personally, she felt as though she 
had failed to some degree by not protecting Ruze.  There was no way she could 
have saved him in that situation.  She had replayed the gruesome scene in her 
mind countless times feeding the demons of 'what if', but there was no 'what 
if' to indulge.  There was no other end that could have resulted considering 
the scenario.
     "Setting that matter aside for the time being, I wish to discuss who you 
will be taking with you when you return the Anshin children.  You'll be going, 
of course, and I would feel better if you took Kei as well," he said.
     "That's what I was going to ask for.  Do we need to bring anyone else?" 
She asked.
     He shrugged slightly.  "I don't know.  If I were you, I would keep my 
options open and discuss the possibilities with my team member."
     Was Cid trying to tell her something obliquely?  Did Kei present some 
ideas to the Headmaster regarding this and now he wants her to get the 
suggestions from the source?
     "I'll speak with Kei," Xu agreed.  "Anything else?"
     "Yes.  Things haven't gone as I had hoped with you taking over as the 
Garden's Weapons Master.  This is no fault of your own I must emphasize.  I see 
now that you were correct when you said that you couldn't do it all.  So I've 
made a request of the Weapons Guild for a Master to come instruct here.  Having 
another Master will give me the freedom to assign you elsewhere if need be."
     Xu held her breath as he spoke.  She tried not to take that personally.
     He stretched a hand out to give hers a firm squeeze.  "You're more 
valuable to me than I realized.  I want to keep my options with you as open as 
possible.  Your talents shouldn't be tied down to a training room any more than 
they should be tied down to a classroom.  If I need to play my ace, I want to 
have it up my sleeve instead of already down on the table!"
     "That makes sense," she allowed.  It did in a twisted logic sort of way.  
Then again, Cid Kramer's form of logic was one she was still learning how to 
follow.
     "Good!  Along that same idea, Balamb is going to start sending more SeeDs 
to Galbadia for Instructor's training.  I have nothing against the Shumi, mind 
you, but I want to diversify my teaching staff."
     It seemed to her that he was up to reshuffling the infrastructure of the 
Garden.  All his moves within the last couple of months were with the intent of 
changing how things were currently done.  Was it time for a review of how 
Garden conducted its business or was there something motivating him that she 
couldn't see?  Already she could tell that she would have much to think about 
tonight.  Maybe she should put off talking with Kei until she'd digested what 
Cid had to say...
     "There is one more matter I would like to cover," he gestured to a stack 
of papers sitting on the corner of his desk. "These are the applications for 
prospective students.  You know what sort of qualities we look for in a 
potential SeeD.  I'd like you to weed out the unfavorable ones and turn in the 
ones you think deserve further consideration.  The Shumi already have a 
rotation in place for covering your teaching obligations, so I would like you 
to focus on getting this done before you leave again."
     "Ah, yes sir." Xu eyeballed the tall stack of applications and sighed 
inwardly.  It was just as well that they were being delayed a week, that's how 
long it will take her to sort these applications.
     "I appreciate your help.  It always takes me so long to work through the 
applications.  Having you do the initial cut should shorten the process 
considerably," he beamed at her.  Reluctantly Xu returned his smile.  There was 
no rest for the weary.

*****

     Enju watched Quistis and her new friend out of the corner of his eye.  
They were sitting together, eating lunch, and laughing at something.  He knew 
that the guy was one of the Anshin kids that were rescued.  Cid placed them 
into the same classes as their partner.  The Garden was supposed to treat them 
like they would any other new sprout.
     Enju wanted to kick his ass.
     He shook the idea off and focused on his meal.  It wasn't Quistis' fault 
that the guy was hanging off of her.  It wasn't Enju's fault that it made him 
more jealous than he wished to admit.  The guy wouldn't be around for long.  He 
just had to avoid making an ass of himself while the Anshin were here and 
Quistis would be none the wiser.


     Unaware of the attention being directed their way, Quistis continued to 
show Kren the illustrated guide to Balamb's monsters.  At first he protested 
even looking through the book.  It didn't seem as though he was afraid of the 
monsters as it was some sort of taboo against looking at them.
     Once Kren was coaxed into looking at the pictures, he was hooked.  He had 
his 'favorites' like Quistis did when she was younger and didn't have to fight 
them.  The Glacial Eyes where what fascinated him.  Admittedly, they were 
interesting enough to cause anyone not caught in the heat of battle to pause 
and take a longer look.
     Having Kren here was a treat for several reasons.  He had a thirst for 
knowledge that matched her own and was as curious to learn about her and she 
was to learn about him.  The only barrier standing between them was language.  
In Quistis' opinion they understood each other better than the other pairings 
did (he knew some very basic standard), but it still wasn't enough.  Both of 
them worked vigorously to bridge the lingual gap between them.

*****

     Xu was so intent on the application she was reviewing that she didn't hear 
the knocking on her door until it had become a solid pounding.  The rhythm of 
the pounding could only be Kei.  Few people knew the secret knock to get into 
their childhood hideout..
     "If you're so bent on seeing me why not let yourself in?" Xu chided after 
opening the door.
     "That would be rude," Kei replied smugly.  Xu didn't bother pointing out 
how her pounding on the door could be considered rude in and of itself.
     Kei sat herself down on a corner of the small couch that was free of 
papers.  There were many neat stacks of them on the table in front of the couch 
and on the cushions themselves.
     "I see that you're hard at work here.  You should come out once in a while 
and visit the rest of us.  Quistis is all grown up now and has had her first 
child," Kei teased.
     "Funny," Xu intoned while carefully relocating a stack of papers so Kei 
would have a place to sit.
     "You think I'm kidding?" Kei grinned mischievously.  "Okay, she may not 
have had her first child yet, but things are heating up.  Kren is completely 
heads over heels for her -- won't shut up, in fact.  Last I heard he was trying 
to figure out who her guardian was since her parents are dead."
     "You seem to be amused by the situation.  Did Quistis find a guy you 
approve of?" Xu commented wryly.  There was no question that Kei would need to 
approve of the choice or she would make said male's life a living hell (Enju 
being a case in point to the extreme).  The fact that Kei was taking an Anshin 
courting Quistis with any sort of good humor was out of character.
     "Of course I don't approve," Kei replied lightly.  "But I don't have to 
scare him off because of the rod stuck up his butt.  For once tradition has 
saved me a bit of work."
     Xu crossed her arms and glared.  "All you'd have to do is tell him to lay 
off and he would.  He respects you as a Spirit.  You don't have to manipulate 
the system to make it work."
     The insufferable grin didn't leave Kei's face.  She was enjoying the 
current situation far more than she ought.  Xu sighed and began massaging the 
bridge of her nose.  "Did you have some other reason to disturb me besides 
rumor mongering?"
     "Yes, I wanted to discuss who you would be taking with us when we go to 
Centra.  I know that Cid said the decisions regarding the mission were yours to 
make, but I'd like to offer some suggestions."
     Xu gestured for her to keep talking.
     "I think Enju should come along."  
     Xu was visibly startled by the suggestion.  That was the last thing she 
would have expected out of Kei.  "Are you playing a game with me?  That's the 
second unheard of comment you've made.  Next you're going to ask to borrow one 
of my dresses, aren't you?"
     Kei shook her head.  "I'm serious.  I think he should speak with the 
elders like we did.  He's like us and we both know it.  Maybe they'll have a 
few words of wisdom for him or something like that.  At the very least we could 
figure out what he's the Spirit of."
     "That's a reasonable suggestion," Xu conceded.  "I'll consider it.  
Anything else?"
     Her cousin wasn't as quick with her next recommendation.  "I think we 
should bring Quistis along as well."
     "That's four people escorting five.  One could do the job, two is nice, 
three is pushing it but can still be justified.  What's your reasoning for 
having her tag along."
     Kei paused a moment to gather her arguments.  She knew justifying Quistis' 
involvement would be the toughest part.  "I can't give you as logical of reason 
as I can for Enju," she admitted slowly.  "She wants to know about us so much, 
it's like that cadet you had me escort.  I don't think the Headmaster would 
object and she would learn a lot from the opportunity."
     "This is the third surprise then, you advocating for Quistis." Xu smiled 
softly.  "I'll think about it and let you know."

*****

     At Enju's request Xu agreed to a private training session like the ones 
they enjoyed before she went on assignment.  It'd been weeks since she'd last 
gotten a good workout.  The prospect of aching muscles after such a long pause 
in training wasn't one she looked forward to.  But by the same token, she very 
much wanted to return to her old routine.
     Enju was already there when she arrived.  Xu locked the door before going 
into the locker room to change.  When she came out, he was still standing on 
the main mat in his cadet uniform.
     "Aren't you going to change?" She asked, stretching her arms out as she 
walked towards him.
     "Later." Enju slowly removed the sunglasses from over his eyes, unzipped 
his overshirt and tucked them into an inner pocket. His hand remained, and then 
pulled a small object out. "I respect you too much to keep a secret from you," 
he said, solemnly looking down at the item instead of looking at Xu. 
     Abruptly he lifted his head and tossed it to her.
     "Here. I believe this belongs to you."
     Quick reflexes snatched the item from the air before it hit the ground. 
The blood drained from Xu's face as she saw what it was.
     "This is... Tsing's purse... from the night Ruze was murdered." Dawning 
realization told her who Ruze's killer was.
     She looked at the cadet standing before her. She didn't want to believe 
that it was Enju.
     A dark smile played at his lips, viciously betraying his 
role. "It's rather humorous, actually. I merely dressed up in the gang colors 
of the Steelsharks. They claimed to have murdered Ruze all by themselves, even 
when they knew it was someone else. Only an idiot would lay claim to something 
that can lead to a prison sentence."
     Xu wanted to deafen herself to the words he was speaking. For perhaps the 
first time ever, she was clearly seeing him as the Angel of Death. And it 
frightened her. All of her efforts to build up trust between them were gone, 
washed away in a crimson tide that had been Ruze's blood. Her eyes begged him 
to tell her that he'd come by the purse by some other means. Spirits, please 
let it not be him!
     Enju broke free of her pleading eyes to stare firmly at the mat. "I won't 
apologize for killing him, Mistress Xu. Like you, I was doing what I was 
ordered." An odd laugh came from him. "Strange. Even here I cannot escape what 
I do best. The clients always change, but the contract never does."
     His gaze returned to her.
     "I am sorry for attacking you, though. I wouldn't have bothered disabling 
you except that I have a justifiable fear of your ability to kill me." He 
paused to frown. "That other SeeD wasn't supposed to be there. But the 
encounter turned out as well as it could have, I suppose."
     Xu let her weak knees lower her to the mat. She sat with her head held 
between her hands as his version of events sunk in. "Who ordered you to kill 
Ruze?"
     "There's only one man I take orders from now," Enju pointed out. "I owe 
him a lot, and when he approached me about this mission, I seized it. Killing 
Ruze -- among others that night -- was my first chance to repay the debt I 
still owe him."
     Xu's head snapped up in sudden revelation. "You... You killed Travers 
too."
     "It's harder to make a murder look like suicide. Difficult, but not 
impossible," Enju remarked with an indifferent shrug. "His position granted him 
diplomatic immunity; all evidence against him would be rendered useless. 
Nothing short of death would have delivered Travers into the hands of justice."
     Her stomach knotted even further. "Why are you telling me this? Why are 
you doing this to me?" She demanded. It was all she could to keep herself from 
shouting at him.
     Enju was so damned cool about what had happened.
     Like it meant nothing!
     "As I said before, Mistress Xu, I respect you too much to keep a secret 
like this from you. I've been watching you ever since you came back; what 
happened that night still has you shaken up. The last thing I want is to be the 
cause for you losing your edge.
     "I honestly can't understand why you're so upset. If anything, you should 
be thanking me for killing Ruze. That slimy fuck was about to take you right 
there in the alley, and you would have let him. You would have lost your-"
     "Shut up!" Xu exclaimed. She'd never yelled at anyone like that before, 
especially a student. But the truth of Enju's words struck too close to home.
     He stiffened in sensing he'd tread one step too far. His shark-like eyes 
watched her body tense up. Watched her own eyes drill at him. Inwardly he swore 
at himself for having crossed the line and not realized it sooner. "I 
apologize," he offered, his voice quieter. "But I'm not asking for forgiveness. 
I can live with what I did that night. You should speak with the Headmaster; 
he's the one who arranged this entire mission. If anyone can put all the pieces 
together, it's you."
     Xu turned away, waving him off. "Go. We'll do your training session 
another time."
     He bowed as respectfully as one could to a Master before leaving. Even 
though he could hide it well enough from others, Xu saw the hurt in his eyes at 
her dismissal of him.
     Purposefully she pushed herself up from the mat and went to her office.  
She put a call in to Cid's office to find out if the Headmaster was in and 
available to speak with her.  He agreed immediately to see her.
     She spent several long moments with her head leaned up against the broad 
double doors of Cid's office that separated her and the Headmaster before 
having the nerve to enter.  He looked up from the papers he was reading, then 
came around the desk to greet her.  Inwardly, she felt as though she was going 
to be ill.
     "You wished to see me?  You couldn't have possibly finished reviewing 
those applications yet.  Do you have some question regarding them?" His head 
bobbed and arms moved in all the little gestures she'd come to recognize as 
being part of Cid Kramer's ebullient personality.
     "Please," she pulled away from him.
     Concern instantly registered on his face as he withdrew from her. "What is 
it Xu?"
     She took a deep breath to forestall the nausea that threatened to overtake 
her.  "Why did Enju kill Ruze?  Why did you betray my mission?" She did choke 
on the second question.
     "Sit," he directed her towards one of the chairs before his desk.  He 
paced behind his own chair as he explained slowly.  "There is a history behind 
my actions you don't know about.  These criminals have been a long-standing 
obstacle to SeeD's success.  After years of helplessness I finally had the 
opportunity to exact the punishment they so richly deserved."
     Xu swallowed the persistent lump in her throat.  "You didn't have to do 
anything.  I had the names they needed.  Dollet could bring them to justice 
without you lifting a finger," she protested.
     "So you say," he murmured softly.  "This isn't the first time we've had 
them.  The last time I let the inefficient government handle the matter.  
Corruption was rooted as deeply then as it was this time and they got off with 
only a slap on the wrists.  They returned to their pits and continued their 
illegal activities, taking more care to cover their tracks.  I learned from my 
mistake.  If it was within my means, they wouldn't be allowed to escape twice."
     He gave her a long, thoughtful look.  "Again, I commend your actions 
during your assignment.  You did better than I could have ever hoped."
     He stopped his pacing altogether.  When his eyes met hers they were not 
the kind eyes of the bumbling Headmaster Balamb loved.  They were of a man who 
had a very calculating mind and the means to carry out the carefully crafted 
plans it devised.
     "Your mission was to give SeeD plausible deniability in this matter.  If 
one of our own were injured when Ruze was murdered, it would direct the 
accusatory finger elsewhere.  You so won the trust of the Dollet agents that 
they didn't even give the possibility a second thought."
     Any shred of stoicism Xu had left was obliterated.  He used her as a decoy 
to keep the blame from falling onto SeeD.  A part of her had to concede that 
the plan was genius, but it didn't make her feel any better.
     "Despite our best efforts, one person remains at large.  I can take some 
comfort in knowing that the weeds have been knocked back, but I realize they'll 
keep returning until we crush them entirely." Cid edged his glasses further up 
his nose with a fingertip.
     "I still don't see how child smugglers could be such a threat to SeeD," 
she admitted.  No one wanted to see children being kidnapped and abused, but 
wouldn't something like Galbadia's military pose a greater threat?
     "Someday, Xu, let me tell you about my children," he sighed heavily.  The 
conversation was taking as much out of him as it was from her.  "Being 
mercenaries is well and good, but SeeD has a greater calling than this.  I'm 
not satisfied with where we are now and I won't rest until we've answered our 
calling."
     "Which is..?"
     The Headmaster's mouth quirked into a slight smile and he shrugged.  "Do 
you know what your calling is?  Are you able to identify that one thing that 
drives you to be the person that you are?  What is that voice that whispers in 
the back of your mind telling you that you can't rest yet?
     "Discontentment is as much a motivator as that unidentifiable quality 
which pressures all the SeeDs here to be better than the average military 
grunt.  I don't think I'm wrong when I say that it's a quality you possess in a 
generous amount.  That's why I challenge you, use you, perhaps even abuse you 
to some extent.  In the end, it's with the hope of helping you be everything 
you can and more."
     Xu sat very still with her hands folded in her lap and her head bowed.  
What he spoke of... It was like finally having someone understand her.  Her 
father didn't understand what she could only explain in child's terms.  How Cid 
explained it was like that of an adult clarifying the matter for her.
     "I'm going to think on it," she stood up.
     He gave her a sympathetic nod.  "If you want to talking about things 
further, you know where to find me.  I remind you not to discuss these matters 
with others."
     "Of course, sir," she left his office feeling sufficiently drained.  When 
she returned to her room she ignored the blinking light on her terminal 
indicating that she had a message.  Instead she stripped down and fell into 
bed.  No one saw her again until class the next morning.

*****

     Enju shuffled off to his secluded locker in the corner of the guy's locker 
room.  No one ever came back to speak with him as he prepared for the day's 
lesson.  Long ago he'd discouraged them from either including him in the locker 
room gossip or the juvenile pranks they indulged in.  That didn't mean neither 
of them took place.  Just that he wasn't a part of it.
     "Hey, didja see Quistis with that Anshin boy?" A voice behind a row of 
lockers called over to someone across the room from him.  Where Enju was, he 
couldn't see the person speaking or the person he was hoping to get a response 
from.
     "Yeah man, my heart's breaking.  With all these good looking fellows here 
she'd have to fall for a foreigner." Came the reply.
     "Don't let Kei hear you say that," a third chimed in. "I hear that she's 
endorsing them.  Of course, she'd favor anyone over Enju's advances."
     The first laughed.  "No kidding and not that I blame her.  Quistis 
deserves someone who isn't a ruffian.  She could easily do better than him for 
a boyfriend."
     "You're assuming they were a couple to begin with!"  The third crowed.
     "That's what Enju would like to believe." The guy at the far end of the 
room agreed.
     It was the first workout session of the day, and thus it was too early in 
the morning for this shit.  Enju tugged on his sweat pants before pulling the 
drawstring tight and tucking his shirt in.  The urge to smash their faces into 
their lockers was tempting, but he'd already played the 'rough 'em up' card 
once.  He wouldn't get away with that again.
     With his head held high he strode to the workout area.  The instigator met 
his eyes and smirk.  Damn him!  He knew Enju was back there and was 
purposefully egging him on.  Enju didn't respond to him.  The locker room 
wasn't the place for mixing it up.  Not when he could justifiably smear him in 
the next room.
     It was the first time in nearly three weeks that Xu had taught the class 
instead of a Shumi.  Her lesson focused on unarmed combat.  The subject was one 
he'd gone to great pains (both literally and figuratively) to improve in.
     When it came time for sparring, he enthusiastically volunteered to be the 
instigator's partner when Xu was matching them up.  If she give him an odd look 
for his unusual exuberance to fight someone, he paid it no heed.  His 
challenger smirked, knowing the true reason for his enthusiasm.
     Enju made no moves beyond the scope of the lesson.  Diligently he 
practiced the punch kick combo that they were taught without putting undue 
force behind his strikes.  Xu came around to watch them for a moment, adjusted 
his footing slightly, and then continued making her rounds of the students.
     "It's rather cheeky of you to speak of Quistis like you do," Enju said 
lightly between movements.
     His partner kept up his guard.  "At least I don't hound her like a dog."
     "Quistis is my girl," Enju replied evenly.
     "Perhaps you should tell her that?" His opponent smirked.
     The smirk was quickly displaced as his training partner 'accidentally' let 
his guard slip and Enju's punch went through his defense.  He coughed, trying 
to get the wind back in his lungs after a solid punch that lifted him up off of 
his feet.
     "I don't have to," Enju whispered harshly, withdrawing from his partner 
when Xu came over to see what happened.  She sent his partner to the benches to 
catch his breath and called someone else over to practice against him.
     The red haired cadet crackled his knuckles before leaning back into a 
guarded stance.  "You being a smart ass today?"
     Enju's lips spread into a thin smile. "What do you mean?  This is me 
playing nice," he replied.  That was nothing short of the truth, he reflected.  
Not long ago he would have killed his instigator without so much as a second 
thought.  Now he sent his message home without even being reprimanded.  School 
was a place for learning new tricks, after all.


     Xu taught one more class after the one Enju attended.  She needed a break 
from the monotony of the task Cid set about her.  She needed to get her mind 
off of other things.  The training room was where she felt the most 
comfortable.  It was her sanctuary from the demands of the rest of the world.
     Duty required that she leave that haven sooner than she would have 
preferred.  There were countless applications for her to review still.  Most of 
them fell into the undesirable category.  A few were borderline and a meager 
handful had passed her strict judgment.
     She worked for an hour before a knocking at her door interrupted her.  
Checking the chronometer she noted that it was nearly lunchtime.  Perhaps Kei 
had taken it upon herself to drag Xu away from her work for a bite to eat.
     It came as no small surprise when Doctor Kadowaki greeted her.  Xu tried 
to recall the last time she'd seen the Doctor outside of the Infirmary and 
couldn't.  She knew that Kadowaki maintained quarters at the Garden when she 
didn't return to her home in Balamb, but she'd never seen the Doctor wandering 
around like students tended to after their day was done.
     "Doctor, may I help you?" Xu asked politely, unable to fathom what could 
have drawn Kadowaki from her den.
     "May I come in?" She asked in turn.  Xu stepped aside to allow her 
passage.  Kadowaki spent a few moments taking in her surroundings while Xu 
cleared her a spot to sit.  The applications had been moved aside so many times 
already that once more wouldn't hurt.
     "Truth be told, it was I who was hoping to help you," the elder woman 
said.  The number of fine wrinkles around her mouth increased as she frowned 
slightly.  "I keep telling Cid not to abuse his star pupils.  I'm afraid that 
he's out done himself this time.  I wouldn't blame you -- nor would he -- if 
you were thoroughly enraged with him after what he's done."  Her tone was that 
of a grandmother who was weary from scolding an oft-rebellious grandson.
     "Why would I be angry with him?" Xu asked carefully.  She could think of a 
few reasons, but she didn't want to tip her hand until she knew exactly where 
Kadowaki was going with this.     Kadowaki's eyes nearly creased shut as she 
regarded the SeeD over a pair of half-framed spectacles.  "You're too generous, 
child.  Cid violated your trust in him.  He's worried sick that when you return 
home with the children that you won't come back.  That's why he asked me to 
speak with you... in hopes of mending the breech."
     "Oh," Xu flopped down on the couch and sighed.  "There really isn't much 
more to be said on that matter.  I was given my orders.  I carried them out.  
Everything happened as he planned.  SeeD's reputation for getting the job done 
is strengthened.  The end."
     Kadowaki's frown only deepened at Xu's easy dismissal of the issue.  "Let 
me tell you a story.  Once there was an Anshin girl wandering the streets of 
Dollet's capital.  Upon discovery she was brought to the Headmaster's 
attention."
     Xu nodded, already knowing the story.  Kadowaki was talking about Kei.  
What she hadn't known came next.
     "Cid thought that she must have been a victim of the smugglers.  How else 
would she manage to stray so far away from home?  His first impulse was to send 
her back from whence she came, but the child seemed to resist the idea.  It was 
Balamb Garden's first year of operation and he was desperate for students.  
Against better judgment he admitted her into his school.
     "Bluntly put, Kei did horribly.  She was barely able to keep up with the 
conversation when someone spoke to her, never mind her studies that required 
reading and writing.  Cid was quite put out by this apparent failure."
     Xu knew that Kei had a hard time during her first year at Balamb, but not 
that it was so memorably bad.  From how Kadowaki described it she must have 
been at the bottom of her class.
     "When Cid received an application for admittance from an Anshin girl the 
following year he was prepared to refuse it outright.  He was having enough 
problems breaking down the language barrier with one Anshin.  The last thing he 
needed was to have two on his hands.  What promise could the girl possibly hold 
for becoming a SeeD?  She was raised in a tradition that was completely at odds 
with what he was trying to create.  The Anshin were too foreign, and too 
different to fit in with the Garden philosophy.  Despite that line of reasoning 
he took a chance on the long shot."
     Xu didn't answer.  She'd spent so much time fighting to succeed at Balamb 
that she never realized what a risk Cid had taken by even admitting her.  When 
she looked at it from the perspective Kadowaki presented, no person in their 
right mind would have taken her into a military academy.  Not when she had only 
the most cursory knowledge of the country's language and came from a place that 
frowns upon aggressive interactions.
     Kadowaki paused to take Xu's hand up in her own.  "The day he admitted 
you, he took a gamble that paid off handsomely.  When it came to defeating the 
smugglers, he put his most valued SeeD on the line and hoped that his luck 
would hold out.  He did accomplish his ends, but the price they came at is one 
that is still being determined.
     "I can't tell you how to think or feel, but I can tell you what I know.  
You weren't here a month before Cid had his eye on you for 'bigger and better' 
things, as he put it.  He's watched you grow with the enthusiasm of a gardener 
tending a prized plant.  You continue to surpass his expectations for you.  
Whenever you present him with a new achievement he's like a proud father 
wanting to show off his daughter.  That actually might be the best way to 
describe it."  Kadowaki tapped a fingertip against her lips thoughtfully as she 
considered it.
     "Even so, Cid isn't so proud as to not admit when he's done something 
wrong."
     The Doctor stopped.  "I'm sorry, I've babbled on and you've hardly said 
anything since I arrived."
     "No," Xu shook off her apology.  "You've given me a lot to think about."
     Kadowaki gave her hand one final pat before standing.  "Indeed I have.  
Don't neglect getting something for lunch."
     Xu nodded.  Before the Doctor could leave Xu asked a final question.  
"Where do you see me being in ten years?"
     Kadowaki paused.  "In ten years?  If you aren't running the place, you'll 
be running around it trying to keep Cid out of mischief."
     "So much for things getting easier," Xu quipped with a half-smile.
     Kadowaki returned the gesture.  "That's the spirit."


     After her talk with Kadowaki, Xu decided to take a walk.  It had been far 
too long since the last time she wandered around the Garden to simply admire 
its beauty.  She was acutely aware of being guilty of taking such things for 
granted.  She sat down at one of the many benches lining the fountain that 
circled the inner circumference of the 'gear'.  From the position she took she 
could watch the comings and goings of the Garden's populous without drawing 
attention to herself.
     When did the school admit all these students?  She arrived during its 
second year, when there were barely enough people to justify having an 'older' 
student and 'younger' student division in the classes.  Her mind recalled a 
time when the Cafeteria was only open during a very narrow window of 
opportunity.  Back then, it *was* an extra effort to have foods available that 
she and Kei could eat (unlike now when they weren't the only vegetarians).
     She watched her hand as she ran it along the smooth wood surface of the 
bench.  She then slid it under the lip and ran it to a familiar place.  
Distastefully she withdrew her hand when she found the glob of dried chewing 
gum that Kei placed there years ago.  Every student left their mark on this 
place -- be it a piece of gum the janitors never found, or by the echoes of 
their legacy.
     What sort of mark did she leave on the Garden?  She'd always taken things 
so seriously... Maybe she was too serious to appreciate the finer points of 
Garden life.  Or perhaps it was her drive that set an example to the students 
to never give up.
     Even if she didn't leave a legacy as a student, she had ample opportunity 
to mold the future of SeeD through the training of its members.  Being an 
Instructor was the most daunting, yet humbling task Cid could have given her.  
These people's lives depended upon her ability to train them well.  The 
Headmaster gave her charge of shaping part of SeeD's foundation.  Was there no 
more important duty than to prepare the next generation?
     That's what he had done by taking the actions that he did.  It was clear 
to her now that Cid directed the murder of Ruze and Travers.  The coincidental 
death of Galker shortly before Dollet issued a warrant for his arrest was 
likely Cid's doing as well, though she couldn't prove that.  He systematically 
eliminated those people who he saw as a threat to children -- as a threat to 
the future.
     Having an assassin of Enju's caliber in his debt meant that the task would 
be all too easy.  The Steelsharks foolishly played into the trap that was set 
for others.  Their desire to destroy the competition lead to their own undoing.
     Another thought occurred to her.  Kadowaki mentioned that they thought Kei 
was one of the smuggled children.  That would mean this has been going on for 
nine years, if not longer.  How many other Anshin had be kidnapped during that 
time and taken from their homeland?  Were Anshin her age out there who lived 
the life of a slave?  The trial to earn a name was never meant to have such an 
edge to it!
     "Yo," Kei gently nudged the toe of Xu's loafers with her boots to get her 
attention.  "You've been staring straight at my chest without seeing me for the 
last few minutes.  If you're going to meditate, you should do it in your room." 
She scolded lightly.
     Xu gave her head a shake to clear her mind.  "I was just thinking."
     "Oh... About what?"
     "About... everything.  About us... The Garden... SeeD..." her voice 
trailed off as she observed Quistis at the far end of the corridor.  She was 
breaking up an argument between those two boys that Xu had banished from the 
training room a few months back.  Once they had been properly reprimanded, 
Quistis turned her attention back to Kren.  He seemed puzzled by what had just 
occurred and tried valiantly to understand as Quistis explained it to him.  
They walked away from where Xu and Kei were seated, disappearing around a 
corner.
     "She's going to be the Garden's legacy," Xu murmured thoughtfully.
     "Who, Quistis?  We've all done our best to give her every chance to excel, 
but she wouldn't have gotten nearly as far as she has without the desire to 
succeed.  You can give a man a book, but you can't make him read it.  In her 
case, it was more the problem of finding a book to give her that she hadn't 
read yet."
     "Where do you think she learned that -- her desire to succeed?"
     Kei hummed and leaned back onto the bench with her arms crossed over her 
chest.  "That's a tough one.  You can teach someone the tools to succeed, but I 
believe that you have to possess the desire to use them in the first place.  
With time, a person may learn to desire success, but that's a case of the seed 
being planted and just not growing.  Kind of like it wasn't coaxed out of the 
ground until some external event gave it reason to grow.  It could be water, 
maybe a nice warm sunbeam, or perhaps the gardener put a fertilizer spike in 
next to it.  Whatever the case, the seed has to be there in the first place."
     Her cousin leaned forward and was now watching people as intently as Xu 
had been a few minutes earlier.  "Everyone here has the potential.  You can see 
it in how they carry themselves purposefully.  Their days aren't empty vessels 
of an unfulfilled life.  And you're like that gardener; you draw the seed out 
of them.
     "For as good as Quistis is, I doubt she'd be quite as sharp if it weren't 
for your example.  Did you know that she gives you full credit for teaching her 
good study habits?  In turn, that's the example she sets with her study 
groups."
     Kei dragged her attention back from the people watching to regard Xu.  "It 
didn't surprise me one bit when Cid sent you to Galbadia.  Pissed me off, yes, 
surprised me, no.  You needed the tools for being a gardener -- an Instructor.  
It's a position that suits you well."
     "Usually it's me who's advising you.  When did you get to be so wise?" Xu 
gave her cousin a playful hip shot.
     With a rare display of public affection Kei pulled Xu into a warm hug.  
"I'm just a wise ass who has a few shining moments."
     "Thanks Kei," Xu returned the hug with interest.  She was feeling better 
about herself already.


     When Kei and Xu decided to eat dinner together later that evening they 
discovered that the Cafeteria was already packed with hungry cadets.  This 
wasn't an unusual occurrence.  When it did happen, they tended to get their 
meals and then return to one or the other's quarters to eat.  With trays in 
hand and heading out the door, someone called for them to wait.  In the back 
corner of the room several tables had been pulled together to form a large 
island of tables that cadets vied for space at.
     "Won't you join us?" The cadet invited, while his classmates packed in 
even closer together to make room.
     The five Anshin and their escorts were at the island along with several 
other cadets.  The Anshin seemed anxious to have their elders join the group.  
Kei shrugged and sat herself down at a cleared spot.  Xu wound up sitting at 
the opposite corner from her.  Quistis and Kren were near Kei.
     "Where's Enju?" Xu asked the nearest person to her who might know after a 
quick survey of who was present showed him to be missing in action.
     The cadet shrugged.  "Haven't seen him since lunch.  He seemed real 
uptight about something."
     "Maybe he overslept?" Another offered.  It was common knowledge that he 
took afternoon naps when his schedule allowed.  Twenty minutes of downtime and 
he snapped right back up again ready to take on whatever was tossed his way.  
Some students had taken to mimicking his sleeping schedule after being 
convinced that it increased productivity.
     Xu was reassured by how her clansmen weren't shying away from taking part 
in the conversation.  True, what they had to say may be broken and come out 
slowly, but they were trying.  What surprised her was the amount of Anshin and 
standard that was being mixed together.  The hybrid was being used on both 
sides to facilitate communications.  A bemused smile touched her lips as she 
recalled a time when she couldn't form complete sentences in standard, so she 
supplemented them with her native language.  Kei was also smiling, likely 
thinking the same thing.
     Xu discreetly watched Quistis and Kren interact.  Of all the pairings they 
had hit it off the most.  Glancing over to Kei, Xu saw that she was also 
watching the pair from the corner of her eye.  Quistis was old enough to make 
her own decisions regarding relationships.  If she wanted advice, Xu was 
confident that she would seek it out.
     Unfortunately, Quistis was in such a position that she wouldn't be allowed 
the luxury of making the decisions on her own.  Kei will make her opinion known 
on the matter whether it was solicited or not.  And Xu didn't even want to 
think about what Enju would do if he were presented with serious competition 
for Quistis' attentions.
     It really was odd for him to miss a meal.  Where was he?


     One thing Xu always found comforting about the end of the day was the 
shower she usually took then.  The ritual began with her physical training 
schedule and the need to wash after her last session was over.  Lately, she 
hadn't the need since her daily routine was so disrupted, but she still sought 
out the hot waters cascading down on her -- especially after a day like this 
one.
     After a relaxing shower she dressed herself in a light, loose fitting 
robe.  She prepared herself a cup of tea and was quite content to spend the 
rest of the evening curled up in bed with a book.  Once the lights were out 
except for a small reading lamp a shadow in the main room caught her attention.  
Caution inserted itself as she peered through the half open door of her 
bedroom.  Something or someone was out there, she could *feel* them.
     She drew a sai from its pouch and held it against her inner forearm.  
Quietly she slipped into the other room, keeping herself in a guarded stance.  
The presence she felt stiffened, knowing that it was about to be discovered.
     It tried to blend further back into the darkness, but Xu had a lock on its 
position now.  She lunged forward, knocking one of the intruder's wrists with 
the prongs of her sai.  She felt the sai strike something hard, a metallic 
sound echoing as her attack was quickly deflected.  However, that left Xu's 
other hand free to wrap around the person's throat.  Her iron grip clenched 
their windpipe, daring them to move if they wished to continue living.
     "Is this the way you greet all your guests, Mistress?" a rough voice 
managed to choke out.
     Xu recognized its owner immediately and withdrew her hand.  "Dammit, 
Enju," she growled while flipping on the lights.  "I almost killed you."
     "So I noticed," he coughed, rubbing his throat.  It wasn't often that 
someone got the jump on him.  Then again, for once he wasn't sneaking into a 
residence to kill.  Yet Xu had certainly given him a scare by digging her 
strong fingers into his throat.
     "How did you get in here?" she demanded.
     "I wanted to talk with you, but I didn't think you'd be willing to see me 
after..."
     His voice drifted off in uncomfortable silence. "Well, you know.  A simple 
lock has never stopped me before.  Breaking in here was the best thing I could 
think of on such short notice."
     "You need a better strategy. Next time, try knocking."
     "I'll keep that mind."
     Xu gave a sigh of exasperation then got him a glass of water to sip from.
     Enju made himself comfortable on a chair.  Tonight he was dressed the part 
of the assassin in all black.  He had even brought some kind of curious sword 
-- though much to Xu's relief she noted the blades were wrapped in protective 
covers. Enju removed the outer shirt he wore and folded it neatly before 
placing it on the table between them.  His feather markings were faintly seen 
due to the glare of the overhead lighting.  This time, it was he who was 
reaching the olive branch out to her.  And that visibly unnerved him.
     "Our last encounter ended on a harsher note than I would have preferred.  
I'm not so stubborn as to deny I overstepped my boundaries, and I apologize for 
offending you. But I'm here to offer an explanation -- if you'll hear it."
     "Please continue," she invited.
     "You know I'm not a pure and honest soul. Any innocence I had died in 
Timber. All that remained was a bloody legacy of Death's Angel."
     Xu knew he was right. She had seen him in action at Galbadia and didn't 
want to have to see him like that ever again. But now he was telling her 
something he probably had told no one else in his life: his past, leaving 
nothing out.
     Enju laid the tanto sword across his lap. "Before Enju, before Death's 
Angel, there was a child named Sarkis. When he was around two years old, 
invading Galbadian forces wiped out his village in Timber. Of his entire 
village Sarkis alone survived. He was found by a wandering Weapons Master and 
then taken into the Guild."
     He stopped talking and looked at random things in the room. It wasn't 
difficult to see he was still tense about telling her this, about exposing 
himself and his weaknesses. Enju was finding that he was not reopening old 
wounds, but discovering that those old wounds had never been closed and given 
the chance to heal.
     "When I was Sarkis, I fought against fate vigorously. The idea that 
someone or something could dictate the direction of my life frustrated me. I 
refused to believe that my family was supposed to die; in light of that, I felt 
powerless. Lacking control over any situation was a maddening feeling. And so I 
accepted the Guild as my chance to reclaim what fate had stolen from me. Sarkis 
was out to prove fate wrong.
     "The Weapons Guild provided stability but not necessarily order. 
Especially not while I was an apprentice to a certain Master named Talasu.  The 
Master's outlook on life was completely contradictory to my own.  Where I would 
try to change the path of a stream, Talasu would flow with it."
     He smiled in spite of himself, in spite of the way he felt as if a 
steel-toed boot had kicked in his stomach. "Talasu's lessons were woefully 
lacking in combat training.  Instead he taught history, math, science and many 
other academic pursuits. Talasu's lessons on philosophy always degenerated into 
matches to see who could out-stubborn the other.  He always had this half 
cocked idea that I had a calling in life greater than being an apprentice, and 
took it upon himself to goad his lazy student into learning."
     Enju paused to shake his head.
     "Death's Angel was born when Sarkis died at age fourteen. I can still 
remember why I left two years after I became Talasu's protege, and now more 
than ever I find it haunting me. Talasu told me I would help change the world, 
that it was my destiny. I left him to make my own future, to change the world 
my own way and not his."
     He stopped, his voice choked on the bitter pill that was his past. "Before 
I left... Talasu warned me that with my skills, I could only become a killer. 
At fourteen, I was too young to understand... How much blood had to be shed by 
my hands to make me see this?"
     Enju looked back down at the tanto sword in his hand, and then tossed it 
in Xu's direction. She knew it wasn't aimed at her, and didn't flinch as the 
covered blade lifted into the air before harmless falling to the floor at her 
feet.
     "Take it," he said. "I don't want that weapon anymore; it reminds me too 
much of what I once was. Maybe you can put it to better use here in the 
Garden."
     Xu bent over and picked up the sword.  Examining it could be left for 
another time.  She set the bundle on the cushion next to her.  "I'll keep it 
for you until you're ready to reclaim it."
     He snorted, then continued.
     "The killer known as Death's Angel took great pains to ensure that no one 
would find him unless he wished to be found. A persona was built up, along with 
a reputation for getting the job done. He took on these markings--" He lifted 
his pale arms, indigo feathers seemingly floating down his skin. "--as part of 
that lethal persona.
     "Death's Angel cared for nothing beyond the money and the knowledge that 
he was defying fate. Now I wonder if he even cared for either of those. He 
lived day-by-day, by his own rules, as he pleased with no apologies to anyone.
     "When the issues of his profession became personal, he resigned as only an 
assassin can: death. Enju was born that day. Yet while I dropped the life of 
the Angel of Death, I maintained many of his perceptions on life regarding its 
worth. 'Enju' was born at a disadvantage since he had never worked in an 
'honest' trade. I refused to return to the Guild Sarkis had forsaken, or take 
up the sword left behind by Death's Angel. The only military organization 
recruiting for someone with my experience was SeeD, but someone like 'Enju' was 
less than desirable because of SeeD's high standards for conduct.
     "I tried to con my way into the organization, to slip in unnoticed. How 
long I hoped to maintain the ruse was something I didn't try to think about. 
The need to start again was too great to not take the risk. But much to my 
surprise, the Balamb Headmaster caught me before he had even met Enju. Yet Cid 
accepted me into his school regardless of history. I would become a SeeD and 
for the first time in any of my lives be an honest killer."
     Again, Enju paused in his story. Xu regarded him with a thoughtful 
expression that gave no hint as to what she was thinking. 'Damn mask,' Enju 
cursed silently. Such ability was an admirable one, but did little to ease the 
telling of his tale.
     "At least, that had been the plan," he continued finally.  "I learned 
things here I didn't think possible. I have lived in the shadow of death since 
I was a toddler. Most think military training hardens you; to the contrary, the 
people here have gone out of their way to soften my remorseless heart."
     He closed his eyes, finding a ray of hope in the midst of his painful 
recounting. It was all he had left to hold onto these days. Everything he had 
once been was being stripped away. There was nothing left but the vulnerable 
little boy he thought he had left behind.
     But that child had never left.
     Enju was vaguely aware of a tear falling down his cheek.
     "Though I'm sure Nym corrupted her a little, I owe Quistis a lot. I think 
more than anyone else, I was able to rekindle my innocence through her." Enju 
smiled. "It's easy to get spinning so fast that the world is a blur, but even 
when it was going its fastest she never forgot to take a few moments to smell 
the roses, as it were.
     "She's also given me something to protect. I don't even think in my past 
lives I cared about protecting myself; I was dead to the world. But now...."
     His voice trailed off.
     Xu kept silent, using that to encourage him to continue. This was the 
first time he'd ever done more talking than the people he was with. He was 
laying everything before her.
     "It's amazing how one's outlook changes when they're no longer focused on 
selfish intentions. I do love her, even if it's not in a way that people would 
expect from me. Like her, I was orphaned while young and I've found a family 
here at Balamb.
     "Myn and Nym have been like the childhood playmates I never had. If I ever 
needed a co-conspirator or rival, I'd have both in them. Kei, pain in the ass 
that she is, feels more like an older sister than I'd care to admit.
     "And you, Mistress, have taught me more than Talasu ever had. You taught 
me to respect myself and thus respect others. You taught me to respect life. 
Once I learned that, I was able to learn trust. Trust isn't easy, especially 
when you have to give it to others."
     He sighed deeply and turned away.
     Another tear ran a course down his face.
     "My life has been changed profoundly during my time spent here. I don't 
want to think about how things would have turned out if Cid had refused my 
application. Quite likely I'd be dead by now -- probably by my own hand. It was 
a miserable, shallow, existence I led before and I *never* want to go back. I 
have a purpose now. I have a life. That is the debt that I owe Cid Kramer. 
Doing a bit of laundry for him is small compensation for the service he's done 
me."
     He bit down on his lip, trying to fight off the deluge of tears that 
threatened to spill. Dammit! He was a man, no some blubbering child. The last 
time he had cried, it was in the wake of his family's death; from then on, he 
had sworn to never let himself cry again. Sixteen years had passed with a 
promise kept. And now...
     He hastily scrubbed his eyes with the back of his arm, trying to stem off 
the tears.
     "Enju, it's okay to cry," Xu invited gently. "You feel very passionately 
about this. There's no shame in letting it show."
     He swallowed the lump in his throat and collected his composure. "So you 
say, Mistress. Maybe some day I'll agree with that, but not today." He managed 
to give her a weak but wry smile as he stood up. His confessional had taken a 
lot out of him.
     Xu nodded and rose from her own seat. "Your affection for the Garden is 
something that we all share. We all hold a place in our hearts for the 
Headmaster. If he ordered me to go after Ruze instead of you, I would have 
without reluctance."
     Unexpectedly Enju leaned forward and brushed a few strands of Xu's hair 
away from her eyes. With a quiet smile he said, "You know, if you'd been here 
when I arrived, I honestly wonder if I would have pursued Quistis at all."
     Xu reached up and took hold of his hand. Giving it a friendly squeeze she 
answered, "Don't press your luck."
     His quiet smile turned into an impish grin, and Enju laughed. "I'm glad we 
had the chance to talk. I feel like things are going to get better from here on 
out."
     "I hope so," Xu agreed.  "Some peace and quiet would be a nice change of 
pace."

*****

     A day passed, and then two without any major revelations or upending of 
Xu's world.  Perhaps, finally, the waters had calmed and she could regain her 
balance on the pitching boat of life.  Kei had visited her during that time to 
offer what advice she could, but Xu couldn't tell her everything.  It wasn't 
her place to disclose the true reason behind SeeD's co-operation with Dollet.
     Such dealings made her acquaintance with Michelle a difficult one.  It 
would be hard to speak to her without some lingering guilt.  Xu felt remorseful 
about that.  The agent really had tried to build a bond between them.
     What was done, was done.  In the end, Xu had to admit that they 
accomplished a good through their actions.  If only it were possible to always 
do good and remain honest at the same time!


     Elsewhere in the Garden near a bench observing one of the many fountains, 
someone without such lofty moralistic issues tapped on Kei's shoulder.  She 
looked up from the crossword puzzle book she was working on to find Enju nearly 
standing on top of her as he peered down at her.  With an audible sigh Kei 
closed the book and gave him her best 'what the hell do you want?' look.
     "You busy this afternoon?" Enju tucked his hands into his trouser pockets 
and rocked slightly on the balls of his feet.  He had a devilish look to him.  
She recognized it as being that of man on a hunt.  But what was his prey?
     "You're looking at my plans for the day," she held the book up.
     "'No' in other words."
     "..." Working on crosswords was a worthy endeavor.  He didn't pick on 
Quistis when she had her nose stuck in a book.  Was it so hard to believe that 
she would spend her time doing something that would be considered a quiet 
activity?
     "Why do you ask?" She inquired, not bothering to keep the touch of 
annoyance she felt at having *him* criticize one of her favorite pastimes out 
of her voice.
     Enju shrugged. "No reason.  But on a completely unrelated note, I heard 
that Quistis and Kren are going to Balamb this afternoon. Naturally I said to 
myself, 'That's a good idea! I should do that too.'"  A shark-like grin spread 
across his face.  "And I thought you might be up for joining me."
     So that was his game, trailing Quistis and Kren around town.  She pursed 
her lips together as she regarded the puzzle book in her hand.  "I'm almost 
finished with one and could use another..." she commented slowly, looking up to 
meet his eyes.
     His infuriatingly smug grin only grew as he hooked her onto his plan.  
"How tragic.  I'll catch up with you after class."
     "You know where to find me," she opened her book to the page marked and 
settled in to resume working.  "Enju, why did you ask me to join you?" She 
asked, feigning nonchalance as she penned in an answer.
     She saw him shrug out of the corner of her eye.  "You know the saying, 
'Keep your enemies close'."
     "'...And keep your friends closer'..?" She glanced up.
     The expression of cool indifference that he showed the world at large 
broke for just moment.  "Maybe it was the other way around?" he waved it off.  
"But don't think this means I like you.  I'm being pragmatic here: as a SeeD, 
you can haul my ass out of trouble."
     He turned around and stalked away.  Kei watched his retreating form with a 
bemused expression.  "Heh, whatever."
     When it came time for them to go to Balamb Kei pointed out that Kren has 
never been in a battle and would likely balk if he found himself in such a 
situation.  Enju was inclined towards forcing him to deal with it, but Kei's 
icy look quickly changed his disposition.  She left early to blaze a trail 
while Enju followed the two students undetected.  Diablos would drive the 
monsters away, but only so far.  The trick was to stay far enough back so that 
he wasn't noticed but they were under the GF's range of protection.
     Quistis and Kren were dressed in casual clothing.  Kei had likewise 
changed into something more comfortable.  Enju wore a long coat over his cadet 
uniform, making none of them readily identifiable as being from the Garden.
     Kei met up with Enju shortly after he entered town.  By her smug 
expression he was sure that she saw some action on her way in.  Quistis and 
Kren had passed her without notice and continued into downtown.  Now Kei 
glanced down the road they'd followed, not wanting them to get too far away.
     Enju placed a hand on her shoulder to hold her back.  "Don't worry, 
Quistis outlined her plans for the afternoon to Kren on the way over.  They're 
going to the pier, a couple shops, then they'll get a bite to eat." Enju 
refrained from mentioning how much it irritated him that it was Kren she was 
going out with instead of him.
     And so the afternoon was spent playing shadow to the young pair.
     As they did so, Kei's thoughts kept returning to the time when she was a 
youth in a foreign land trying to understand the strange sights and sounds 
around her.  Kren was doing admirably well compared to the difficulties she had 
faced.  Admittedly, it did help having friends to fall back on.  In her case, 
life before Xu was hellish, but after a companion who understood her arrived 
things worked themselves out.  For Kren, he has six others who understand his 
situation and a guide who would do everything within her power to bridge the 
gap between them.
     Yes, having Quistis assisting him was a great help.  She was doing well on 
picking up common phrases from Kren and his friends.  Her strongest asset was 
her open mind.  Kei hadn't once seen her balk when presented with a new idea 
that may seem strange or backwards to the world in general.  Her ability to go 
with the flow of things would take her far in life.
     Enju's mind continued on an endless debate as to where he stood with 
Quistis.  She may have decided where they stood, as friends or something more, 
but that didn't mean he was going to passively let it end there.  He didn't 
want to admit that he was jealous of the boy she was with, but he sure as hell 
was acting like it.  This emotion felt foreign; he'd never acted so territorial 
before in his life, even when some would-be assassin tried to steal one of his 
contracts.
     Of course, he wouldn't kill Kren like he had those others.
     And that's what Enju realized he didn't like about the situation.  Kren 
was Quistis' age, still growing up as she was very much in the process of 
doing, but those Anshin hands weren't stained the way his were.  Quistis had 
more in common with the boy than she ever had with him.  In light of that, Enju 
wondered if he'd ever stood a chance from the very beginning at being Quistis' 
boyfriend.
     A part of him didn't want to be that close to her either.  He was still 
getting used to the idea of being more than a systematic killer.  That meant 
being willing to open up and that meant exposing weakness.  For an assassin, 
that had always been a death sentence.  Xu was the only one who knew everything 
about him, but that had come at a significant cost for them both.
     Enju now wondered if he would ever want to settle down.  Keeping a fair 
distance even from friends left him feeling safer.  And SeeD gave him a perfect 
excuse to indulge in that.  Having a significant other in this organization was 
a handicap.  He fully agreed with SeeD's reasons for discouraging partnerships 
from forming.  If a partner died, their mate would be adversely affected.
     His eyes drifted back to where Quistis and Kren were talking.  The entire 
time she was smiling fondly at the Anshin boy.
     Enju felt his blood boil again as he watched them.  No matter what half of 
him wanted to say, the other half still wanted to be the one Quistis was 
speaking softly to.  So this was the paradox of being human: wanting to remain 
distant to not get yourself or anyone hurt, and at the same time craving the 
intimacy of others.
     He didn't like it.
     Quistis and Kren held their heads close in conversation, then she sat back 
and giggled.  Enju tightened his fist to keep from slamming it into something, 
his knuckles cracking from the tension.  Kei shot him a questioning look.  He 
shook it off and jutted his chin out for her to keep watching.
     Talasu's words came back to haunt him.  The enemies of his past were near 
and actively searching for him.  It would only be a matter of time before they 
turned their attentions to the Garden.
     Enju swore under his breath in a dialect common to 'lost' Esthar.  It was 
something he'd picked up while under Talasu's tutelage.  Again, he refrained 
from hitting something out of frustration.
     He couldn't leave, not now.  It would mean his death spiritually if he 
left.  He doubted it meant his physical death if he stayed; his edge was still 
there, resting in the back of his mind where he could feel it.  The killer's 
instinct was just waiting to be awakened from its slumber, as it had been when 
he'd killed Ruze and Travers.
     But now his concern rested in what that would mean for Balamb Garden; the 
last thing he wanted were other cadets being killed just so some 
vendetta-ridden asshole could get a shot at him.  And Quistis would never 
forgive him if she realized he knew beforehand and could have prevented such a 
tragedy.
     Life was never fair.
     Enju didn't whine about that fact.  He'd grown up with it, and lived and 
breathed it.  And more so, he'd survived it enough times to understand that 
this fact could never be altered.  In fact, life often spited you just to piss 
you off, but this was unusually cruel in his opinion.
     Kei touched his arm lightly to catch his attention then motioned that they 
were moving.  If he overheard the pair correctly, they were going to a diner 
next for supper.  Enju had only been in the place once, but from what he 
recalled of it, it boasted a few small tables on a balcony that overlooked the 
establishment.  They could watch the action from up above.
     They claimed their spot before Quistis and Kren arrived.  The waiter that 
came by to take their order was put off when all they requested were drinks.  
Not knowing how long Quistis and Kren would be here meant that there wasn't a 
point in ordering a full meal.
     The two people they were watching for came in.  The waiter that had taken 
their drink order met them at the door.  He shook his head firmly in the 
negative at something Quistis said.  She tried to persuade him, but his stood 
firm on his decision and the two of them left the diner.
     Kei growled as Enju tightly gripped the fork he was playing with.  More 
than anything, he was staring at Kei.  He knew that look in her eyes well 
enough.  "Do you want to rip into him, or shall I?" he inquired.
     "This one's mine," Kei growled in no uncertain terms.
     Enju nodded.
     When the waiter returned with their drinks, Kei confronted him.  "Why did 
you turn those two away?"
     The waiter waved it off airily.  "We don't cater to children who try to 
skip out on paying their bill."
     Kei's jaw locked firmly with displeasure.
     Enju was equally displeased, but his methods were a lot less explosive 
than Kei's.  The assassin in him enjoyed the occasional cat and mouse game.  
"Have you ever *seen* those two before?" He asked, feigning to be leisurely 
taking a sip from his drink, his voice echoing like ice.
     "Kids are all the same," the waiter answered easily.
     Enju winced as he watched (with some vicious amusement) Kei angrily stand 
up and say, "Oooh, now that's going to cost you."
     Both of them were livid at the discrimination shown to one of their own.  
But Enju wanted to keep himself a tempered as possible -- especially since Kei 
seemed apt to draw her katana any moment.
     "Know that you've just insulted the honor of Balamb Garden," Kei snarled.
     Enju nodded as he calmly rose, making the fact that he was a head taller 
than the waiter very noticeable.  He looked over the man, a thin smile on his 
face.  "No SeeD would skip out on their bill," he stated coldly, inviting the 
waiter to try and contradict them.
     Kei pointedly pulled out her wallet and left several times the amount due 
for their drinks on the table.  "That's for next time you consider turning away 
SeeD's business."
     The waiter flushed.  "Those kids were SeeDs?"
     "The lady is a couple terms short of graduation.  Not to mention she's 
Balamb Garden's best and brightest." Enju chuckled a little at seeing the man's 
face turn pale before continuing, "The young man was her date for the evening, 
and an honored guest of the Garden."
     "Age doesn't denote maturity," Kei dug into him.  "I'm appalled that you 
would so blithely lump all people who *appeared* to be a certain age into the 
same stereotype.  What if someone who was in their twenties, but looked to be 
in their teens came in?  Would you toss them out on appearances alone?  Never 
mind that such discrimination has no place in our society.  You tarnish 
Balamb's reputation as a laid-back and friendly town!"
     Enju placed a hand on her arm.  She looked pissed.  "Now now, Kei, I'm 
sure we can settle this without you having to cut him in half... Though I know 
I wouldn't entirely object to doing it myself."
     Drawing in a deep breath, she gave the waiter one more long glare before 
pushing past him to leave.  Enju hesitated a moment longer, flashing the waiter 
another dark smile.  He didn't wish to lose her or allow her the chance to 
change her mind regarding killing him -- but he so desired having the final 
word on the matter.
     "Have a nice day, sir," he said to the waiter, giving the man the cold 
shoulder as he turned and followed on Kei's heels.  They left the restaurant, 
scanning the streets for the two.
     "Tch, we've lost them," Kei folded her arms across her chest and scanned 
the surrounding area for signs of Quistis or Kren.
     "No big deal.  We should get back any ways," he replied.  The next 
sentence took a moment to build the resolve to say.  "I admit that the guy back 
there needed a swift kick in the ass, but he pissed you off a little more than 
I expected."
     Kei snorted, still very much angry.  "You learn to hate people who don't 
look beyond appearances when you're so obviously different than everyone else.  
Balamb Garden is a haven from such narrow-minded thinking.  But places like 
Galbadia strongly harbor hate of those who aren't homegrown.  People should be 
judged on an individual basis."
     An eyebrow arched at her choice of wording.  "Judged?"
     She nodded firmly once, then began walking towards edge of town.  "Let's 
go."
     What she said made sense, but she felt it so passionately.  She shouldn't 
allow a backwards person like that to get under her skin.  And her choice of 
words...
     Enju smirked.  It was likely Alexander speaking.

*****

     The next morning found Quistis and Kren in the training room waiting for 
her private session with Xu.  The final months leading up to graduation were 
the most intensive in the realm of physical and magical training.  Her private 
sessions over the last month had consisted primarily of practicing her Limit 
Skill.  There was very little new for her to learn from the monsters that lived 
in the Training Center, but she could practice using the techniques she knew.  
The only way for her to truly practice Blue Magic was to go out into the world 
and study monsters.
     Out of Xu's office came the Instructor and Eugene.  They joined the two 
students by the doorway.
     "Good morning!" Eugene greeted warmly.  "Do you mind if I join you for 
your session?  I'm trying to regain my edge after being away from combat for so 
long.  I'd like to go with a group rather then on my own.  Much safer that 
way."
     "The more, the merrier," Quistis agreed.  She hadn't the opportunity to 
speak with him in more than passing since he returned.  The Training Center 
wasn't the place for catching up, but maybe they could have lunch together 
afterwards.
     Xu echoed Eugene's greeting, then shook her head.  "I'm sorry, Quistis, 
but Kren can't come with us," Xu repeated her apology to Kren in Anshin.
     Quistis understood why he couldn't join her during her training session in 
the Center.  He would be a serious liability to their party, especially if his 
beliefs prompted him to do something foolish.
     "I'll call for Kei to escort you while we're gone," Xu offered.  Kren was 
agreeable to the idea.  Who would turn down the opportunity to be guided by a 
Spirit?
     He watched with silent admiration as they did their warm up exercises.  A 
part of him that was morbidly curious wondered what they did in their Training 
Center.  He knew intellectually that they killed monsters there, but having 
never seen a battle before he couldn't imagine how.
     His dubiousness of this feat increased when he saw the size of the weapons 
that the Spirit of Protection used.  Surely there was some magic involved if 
she was capable of defending herself with a pair of oversized forks.
     "Kei will be here soon.  Don't get into too much trouble while we're 
away," Xu gave his shoulder a friendly squeeze before leading them out of the 
room.  He looked around before finding an out of the way spot to sit against 
the wall.  The Shumi Instructors that Kwis got along with so well were watching 
over their students.
     He was so mesmerized by their activities that he didn't notice the Spirit 
sitting down next to him.  "You like watching them train?" She inquired.
     "It's almost like a dance," he pointed out.
     "That it is," she agreed.  "Ready to go?  They'll be in there for a couple 
hours if I know them."
     He nodded and stood up.  So far he didn't have much of a chance to spend 
time alone with either Spirit.  Obviously they were both important people who 
lacked the time to waste on babysitting them.  This wasn't something that 
offended him or his friends.  Getting to spend any time at all in the presence 
of the Spirits was considered an honor.  The fact that he'd have the morning 
with one thrilled him.
     The Spirit maintained light conversation with him, asking how he liked the 
Garden and if he was following the classes he sat in on.  The language barrier 
wasn't as high for him as it was for some of the others.  Besides, some 
subjects (like math) were a language all unto themselves.  He could follow the 
display and keep up without being able to understand a word of what the 
Instructor at the front of the room was saying.
     As for the school, it was beautiful place.  The lushness of the plants and 
shear amount of flowing water in fountains and pools was staggering.  It was a 
sharp contrast to the desert he'd grown up in.  If he had to imagine the place 
that the Spirits lived, it would be here.  Though he must admit that he 
wouldn't have been able to picture the existence of such a place prior to 
seeing it.  He'd never seen anything close to it that could have inspired his 
imagination to such a level.
     And everyone here was so nice.  The students did their best to make him 
and his friends feel welcome.  Especially Kwis.  He was fond of her.  Her looks 
were likewise something he wouldn't have been able to imagine prior to arriving 
here.  The exoticness of her nature appealed to him.  She was smart, 
thoughtful, and patient.  In his mind, she was too nice to be at a school for 
killers.
     He tried to ignore that aspect of this place.  This beautiful haven 
shouldn't have such an edge to it.  At this point, if they were here, the 
elders would remind him that looks could be very deceiving.  There was no doubt 
of that.  The Spirit of Protection was such a petite woman, but she'd been 
there to guide them home!
     Guiltily he gave the Spirit of Justice a sideways glance.  He constantly 
had to remind himself that she was a female.  She carried herself like a man.  
And had adopted what he'd come to recognize as the characteristics of man in 
this society.  But she was most definitely a woman.
     "Kren, I want to speak with you regarding Quistis."
     The Spirit said her name so easily!  He'd been practicing when his friend 
wasn't around, wanting to pronounce her name the way she did.  But it remained 
a tongue twister to him.
     "What about her?" He asked politely.
     Kei stopped walking and brought her hand up to stroke her nose briefly.  
"Xu told me not to interfere, but I think you should know a few things before 
you chase after her too seriously.  The first is that being SeeD is her dream.  
It's what she's strived for all her life.  Pursue her knowing that her actions 
at some point will be contradictory to how you were raised.
     "The second obstacle is that she's rather fond of meat.  She won't give 
that up for long," the Spirit winked at him.
     "And the third problem is storming towards us as we speak," she nodded her 
head down the hallway.  A somewhat scary-looking cadet was homing in on them.  
Subconsciously he edged himself a half step behind the Spirit.  Justice would 
protect him if things took a turn for the worse.
     Once the cadet was closer, Kren recognized him as being one of the cadets 
that seemed to follow in Kwis' shadow.  The cadet towered over both him and the 
Spirit, a pair of sunglasses hiding his eyes.  The young man stopped in front 
of them and said something to Kei.  She responded and nodded to Kren.
     The cadet positioned himself squarely in front of Kren with his arms 
crossed.  After looking him up and down with what felt like scrutinizing glare, 
he reached up and slowly removed his shades.
     Kren swallowed hard in finding that the guy's eyes looked scarier than the 
rest of him.  Kei tried not to laugh, seeing how hard Enju was trying to 
intimidate the poor kid.
     The cadet tucked the sunglasses into his uniform pocket and then stuck his 
hand out.  "Enju."
     "Kren," he answered, reluctantly taking the offered hand.  It was a 
greeting he still wasn't accustomed to.
     He said something that involved Quistis, but he spoke too quickly for Kren 
to follow.  He turned to the Spirit with a puzzled look.  He hated depending 
upon them as translators, but it could take all day for him and Enju to hold a 
brief conversation without their intervention.
     "Enju advises keeping your interest in Quistis to that of only friendship 
unless you wish to return to the Path prematurely."
     The blood drained from Kren's face.  Upon seeing his reaction, Enju 
crossed his arms and smirked.  Kren could see his pale reflection in the 
forearm armor that he wore.
     "Have- Have I offended him?" Kren stammered.  He'd done nothing that he 
could recall.  Someone threatening his life was uncalled for!
     "The Spirit is *very* protective of the one he's claimed," she explained.  
Somehow he kept himself from falling back, though he was feeling faint.  This 
cadet was a Spirit as well?  And he'd had the temerity to pursue his heart's 
interest.  If Kren could find a rock large enough he would crawl under it right 
about now.
     Kei said something to Spirit Enju and he nodded slowly, sternly.  After 
another long look he replaced the sunglasses over his eyes, turned around and 
went back the way he came.
     "I can't express how sorry I am," Kren hung his head with shame.  He'd 
offended a Spirit.  The elders will be furious when they find out.
     "There's nothing to be sorry about," Justice denied.  "Quistis doesn't 
belong to him.  In the end it's her choice and he'll respect that.  You can 
compete with him if you wish, but I doubt you will now..." she let that thought 
trail off.
     No, he wouldn't pursue Kwis when a Spirit wanted her also.  That would be 
wrong, no if's, and's or but's about it.
     "He wouldn't touch you," Kei continued.  "He respects Xu and fears me.  
I've beaten him down twice and I'd gladly do it again."
     "Why would you do that?" He asked, trying to find a way to get his mind 
off his transgression.
     She chuckled lightly and continued walking.  "He's my rival."
     Kren's mouth dropped open.  How could such a thing happen?  Didn't all the 
Spirit get along with each other?  There were so many things he had yet to 
learn.  And his escort was getting away from him.  Setting his bewilderment 
aside, he caught up with her before she got too much further down the corridor.  
Maybe these were things he would only understand once he was older?

*****

     After training with Quistis and Eugene, Xu returned to her office and 
began the ritual of cleaning her weapon.  Skilled hands quickly unwound the 
cord that was tied around the handle for a better grip.  She took simple 
pleasure from the time spent freeing the weapon of the grime that accumulated 
during use.  Even though she left her office door open while she performed her 
maintenance few people intruded upon her private time.
     She was in the process of winding the cord back onto the handle of her 
second sai when there was a light tapping on the doorframe.  Master Talasu, one 
of the last people she would expect to see at Balamb, bowed politely before 
stepping in.
     "Quite a dojo you have here," he commented, looking back over his shoulder 
to indicate the training room behind him.  "I'm impressed by not only the 
facilities, but by the caliber of fighter being produced.  You're putting your 
resources to good use."
     A wry smile crossed Xu's lips as she firmly tied the cord.  "SeeD produces 
the finest mercenaries in the world.  Would you expect any less?"
     "From you?  No," he admitted with a small smile of his own.
     The third sai Xu carried into the Center with her hadn't been used during 
battle, and thus didn't need to be cleaned.  She slid the weapons into their 
pouch and then placed the bag into a drawer.  "What brings you here, Master?  
You're a long way from Deling City."
     "I get around," he admitted while closing the door behind them.  His 
desire for their conversation to remain private and free from interruption was 
evident.  "I've come to check in on two of my favorite people."
     "Oh?" She could guess whom he referred, but wanted to let him lead the 
conversation.
     The Master would have paced if the small office allowed the room to do so.  
Since it didn't, he took to leaning against the back of the door instead.  
"You've been a busy person lately.  I'm curious to know how *you* are doing."
     The inquiry was an open one.  She could volunteer as much or as little 
information as she saw fit.  Meeting his intense green eyes, she was certain 
that he knew what happened in Dollet and of the role Enju played there.
     "I've seen better days."
     He nodded sagely.  "The more you grow up, the more complicated the world 
becomes.  It's a wonder that anyone chooses to become an adult at all."
     Xu's mouth tightened as she frowned.  His statement was a loaded one to an 
Anshin.  Becoming an adult was a very important part of life to them.
     He arched a slender, knowing eyebrow.
     What a frustrating conversation!  It was like speaking in subtext with the 
Headmaster, except that she and Cid were on the same wavelength.
     "You can no longer run away from the past you left behind," he stated 
bluntly.
     "What do you mean?" Xu hedged.
     "When you look at Quistis, what do you see?  I see the future unrestrained 
by the chains of the past.  Without a family or a country to call her own, she 
isn't tied down by their beliefs.  Unlike you," he gave her a meaningful look.  
"You have some very heavy responsibilities to bear."
     "Kei and I left the Anshin!  The responsibilities I bear are ones I've 
accepted willingly."
     "Did you really?" He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  Even though she knew 
him to be nearly twice her age his baby face gave him the appearance of someone 
only a few years her elder. "Then why do you bear the marks of your kinship?"
     Xu waved the question off with a flustered gesture. "We didn't have a 
choice!  I-" she faltered. "Kei was pounced by them.  She didn't have a choice 
in the matter."
     "You didn't have to return.  You don't have to return in the upcoming 
days, but you will."
     She locked her jaw stubbornly.  How the hell did he know so much about 
her?! "What does it matter?"
     "You need to accept who you are.  You need to be set free like the girl 
you train with such care." He answered, his eyes holding hers with a depth of 
compassion she hadn't found there before.
     "Are you saying I shouldn't return?"
     He shook his head ruefully. "No, you should embrace who you are.  You'll 
only be free of the chains once you are calm enough to slip out of them.  
Struggling as you are brings them tighter around you."
     Taking a deep breath she turned her attention to the stack of papers that 
sat on her desk.  She was finished with the applications Cid wanted her to 
review and had only to return her results.  They were a distraction from what 
was really on her mind.  From what she didn't want to think about.
     "All the Spirits that I've encountered so far are having the same problems 
as you.  Don't feel alone when it comes to your struggle.  I have faith that 
you'll find the balance between the many roles you are asked to fill," he gave 
her an encouraging smile.
     "How do you know so much?"
     He gave a small shrug.  "Let's just say that it's my job to know things.  
Which brings me to the other reason I've come here.  Some people are looking 
for a student of yours and they won't stop until his death to find him."
     Xu's heart froze, knowing that he referred to Enju.
     "You know of whom I speak," nodded with approval.  "Then you likewise know 
what needs to be done.  I've delayed them as much as possible, but I doubt we 
have through the end of the month.  Our friend has been warned of his peril.  
For the sake of the Garden you love, encourage him to move along before they 
find him."
     Talasu left after delivering his chilling warning.  Xu wanted to know who 
exactly was after Enju.  Maybe if they could preemptively strike they could 
protect him and the Garden.  But the idea was a futile one.  The Headmaster 
would never approve an unprovoked attack that could very well start a 'war'.
     She didn't want Enju to leave, not after he found what he was looking for.  
He deserved a chance at a good life as much as the next person did.  She should 
warn the Headmaster if he wasn't made aware of the situation already.  A part 
of her suspected that Talasu and Cid had a history that went back a ways.
     Talasu's words rolled around in her mind and jumbled with her already 
conflicting thoughts.  Closing her eyes, she summoned her Puzzle Stone.  The 
clutter of the real world gave way to the blissful darkness that engulfed her 
mind.
     Carbuncle was waiting for her when she entered her workshop.  Bending 
over, she picked the small creature up and carried it with her to the 
workbench.  It thwapped its tail happily at getting to see her, as it always 
did.  Playfully she scrubbed the tuff of fur on the top of its head.
     "I can only be who I am," she reasoned to the creature whose wide eyes 
held her with complete regard.  She turned away from the bench and began to 
pace while speaking more to herself than to her companion.
     "But what am I..?"
     She began ticking off the list.
     "I am a SeeD.  It is my duty to faithfully carry out the orders of my 
superiors.
     "I am a Master.  I have to train those who look to me because that 
knowledge may someday save their life.
     "I am an Instructor.  I must teach my students to the best of my 
abilities.  SeeD's future depends upon my ability to raise intelligent 
members."
     She paused in her pacing to take a deep breath, and then continued with 
renewed purpose.
     "I am an Anshin.  I can't deny the blood that runs through my veins.  Even 
so, there is more to it than that.  I don't agree with all of the clan's 
precepts and I never will.  Those that I find to be agreeable I will honor, but 
I won't allow myself to be held back.
     "I am a Spirit.  That's a difficult thing to admit.  Especially since I'm 
not sure what all it entails.  Whenever I've seen someone at risk, I've wanted 
to protect them.  If that's the Spirit part of me or what, I don't know.  I 
have a feeling that it will take me years to uncover the depth of what it 
means."
     Carbuncle gave the flat surface it sat on a single solid thwap.  
Apparently it was agreeing with her statement that a Spirit couldn't be trained 
in a day.
     "I am a woman.  Not only in a physical sense, but emotionally as well.  
It's not right to starve that part of me because it makes me 'weak'.  There is 
strength to be found in something delicate, and joy in exploring what makes me 
happy.
     "I am your partner." She stopped pacing to speak directly to Carbuncle.  
"Again, I doubt I understand the depth of what that means.  So I ask you to be 
patient as I learn to be the best I can for the both of us.
     "All these things and more make up me... Shuu..." she said her name 
softly, pronouncing it in the Anshin manner.  She was so used to standard that 
she sometimes forgot how her own name sounded.  The softness of its 
pronunciation was usually glossed over by the harsher language. But it felt 
important...
     "Shuu..." Carbuncle echoed.
     She pulled a stool out from under the edge of the bench and sat down.  
With elbows firmly placed on the bench and her head cradled in her hands, tears 
slipped down her cheeks.  Carbuncle waddled over and embraced her head with its 
short forearms.  It projected vast amounts of comfort, love, and admiration for 
her admission.  She still felt so uncertain, so scared of what she was becoming 
(or had already become).  For the first time in her life the future was a 
frightening thing.  She wanted to know that things would work out for the 
better, but that was an assurance no one could make.
     She wouldn't be alone in her struggle -- that was one promise that could 
be made.  Carbuncle rubbed its muzzle in her hair.  It would stay with her 
until she left this world and returned to the Path.  Was there a Path of Life?  
Carbuncle seemed to think so, but such a legend was difficult to believe.  The 
creature nuzzled her again.  Now wasn't the time to be worrying about such 
things.
     "Thank you..."

*****

     Cid quickly glanced over the list of applicants the SeeD standing before 
him had selected.  He was pleased by the fact that Xu's list matched the one he 
had already created with few exceptions.  Once again his decision to draft her 
as his personal aide (whether she realized it or not) was proven to be a solid 
one.
     He couldn't wait to tell Kadowaki about how inline their thinking was.  Of 
course, the good Doctor would then say something sensible like, 'It should be!  
You trained her to be that way!'  But that couldn't be further from the truth.  
Xu was a very independent woman.  Independent without her cousin's querulous 
tendencies, he amended.
     Her report regarding her discussion with Master Talasu was enlightening.  
He knew that Talasu had to have a reason beyond checking in on Quistis for 
visiting the Garden.  It did distress him to learn that someone was on Enju's 
trail.  He'd hoped to eradicate the cadet's past and give him a new life in 
SeeD, but it didn't look like that would be the case.
     Thus, Kei's suggestion of taking him to Centra seemed all the more vital.  
So far everyone he'd sent there had come back a changed person.  It would be 
interesting to see how the violent cadet would handled being in the company of 
absolute pacifist for a week.  Once they had returned from the trip, they could 
discuss what to do with him.  Maybe sending him off to Trabia would give him 
the break he needed...
     The idea that Carbuncle had modified the nature of Xu's Limit intrigued 
Cid.  He'd never heard of a Guardian Force bonding with a person in such an 
intimate manner.  And to think that it was likewise true for Kei and Alexander.  
Xu hazard that Enju and Diablos shared a similar bond, but that theory had yet 
to be tested.  She offered to demonstrate her Limit for him at his convenience.  
It was something he would certainly like to see, but not today.
     For all the topics that Xu covered she hadn't made mention of Dollet.  The 
government had contacted him requesting that the SeeDs involved with their 
operation be given commendations.  It was something he was already considering, 
but wondered if it would be wise.  There was no question the Eugene would be 
receiving a promotion and pay raise next time he was up for review.  But would 
Xu accept a similar reward without feeling guilty?
     The subject was an uneasy one for him.  Kadowaki had assured him that Xu 
would be returning from Centra when it came time, so he needn't fear that.  But 
there was still a cloud hanging between them that needed to be dispersed.
     He brushed his hand through his hair in a nervous gesture.  His thoughts 
hadn't even been on what she was saying for the last several minutes.  Guiltily 
he forced his mind back to the subject of equipment ordering for the training 
room.  Why was she even asking for approval?  He trusted her to order whatever 
she needed to produce the quality soldiers SeeD was made of.
     "Do what you must.  I trust you to act with the best interests of the 
Garden firmly in mind," he said.
     "Thank you, sir," she bobbed her head in agreement.  Dear Xu, still so 
formal when what he wanted was an aide to fill in where he could not.  She 
would be the grease between the gears that ran the Garden.  And he couldn't let 
his bumbling ruin that.
     "Xu, please, relax," he ran his fingers through his hair again.  "I have 
yet to properly apologize for how I wronged you.  I am sorry.  It was 
thoughtless of me to not consider how a mission like Dollet would compromise 
your sense of honor."
     She shook her head.  "I had agreed to go and the ends did justify the 
means."
     "You're a forgiving person.  I fear Kei's response were she caught in a 
similar situation," a wry smile tugged at the corners of his lips.  Were Kei 
such a situation, *someone* would have paid dearly.  He wasn't sure who would 
pay the price, but was certain that she'd find someone to fit the bill.
     Xu returned his smile with a small laugh.  "She's mellowing if you hadn't 
noticed."
     "Really?  I hadn't," he admitted sheepishly.  When a fire raged as much as 
she did, it was difficult to notice a slight taming of the flames.  Especially 
when that firestorm had so recently cost the Garden nearly a hundred thousand 
gil in repairs.
     "Since learning that she was a Spirit, she's been different.  As I've been 
different.  And Enju will be different.  I'm not the same person I was when I 
came to the Garden, but I am who I am," she explained thoughtfully.
     "Hmm," Cid leaned back in his chair.  "I would call that 'growth' myself.  
I hope that you continue doing it for the rest of your life."
     "Yes, growth, that's one way to look at it.  I don't think I'll ever have 
the luxury of stopping.  So count on it."
     "Very good," Cid shuffled through the stack of papers on his desk before 
finding the one he was searching for.  After scanning what it said once more he 
handed it to Xu.  "Dollet has indicated that they have no further questions for 
the children so you're free to depart.  I'll leave scheduling passage for them 
and your party to you.  Let me know what you've arranged once it's done."
     She acknowledged his instructions, then looked at the sheet in her hand.  
The serious expression that she wore did well to disguise the surprise she 
felt.  What she held was a formal notification of promotion, which included a 
healthy increase in pay.
     Dollet would have given her any amount asked for.  But Cid knew Xu better 
than that.  She wasn't in SeeD for the money, so it was a near meaningless 
reward.  Her reward was the satisfaction of a job well done.
     "Thank you."
     Cid smiled.  "You earned it Xu.  I'm sure that you'll reach A ranking 
before much longer."
     "I'd like to," she flushed.
     She tries so hard, Cid reflected, and burned so brightly.  He could only 
hope that she didn't burn out prematurely.  Something drove her and he wanted 
to help her discover that something as much as she wished to help SeeD.  It was 
a relationship that would work out well for both of them if he had his way.

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